you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
