I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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