they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
