Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize