Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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