honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
