i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
People in love make me want to vomit
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
