I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
