I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
