Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
