Me too!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
