my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
