i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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