I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
