dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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