I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i love accidental penises.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
