im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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