my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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