DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
