that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
