after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
