So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
