More tranny stories later!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
