it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
