So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
