Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
