what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
