If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
