he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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