Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
