I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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