I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
