I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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