its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
