We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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