Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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