How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
nutella sex= disaster
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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