He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize