just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
