false alarm. still invincible.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
