drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
