cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
high people should be assigned attendants
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
