Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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