he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize