He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
