I'd wear matching sweaters with you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
