Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
