i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
