He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
