i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
