She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
