I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
