: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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