There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
