My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
