Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
