I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
