I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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