you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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