I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
