Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
