Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
