You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
