I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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