I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
