Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
