You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
