I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
