Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
