Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
