just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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