I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
