im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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