i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This girl is more easily done than said...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
