You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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