That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
