I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
