Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
