those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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