Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
