Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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