the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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