It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
