I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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