walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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