It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
