I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
