Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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