She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
