Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
