Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
