Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
