he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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