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So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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