i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
