well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
