I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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