rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
