is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
